i guess it didn’t matter how hard i tried or how hard I fought for us to you. all that mattered was who I am.
Because I am someone who is willing to sacrifice a little for the people i love,
because I am more willing to let little things go instead of complain about every little problem and become the biggest nagger in the world,
because I care too much,
because I am okay with being spontaneous knowing that things that are planned never turned out as planned,
because I eat what I want when I want,
these are the reasons why I am not worth the fight, not worth the trouble, not worth the heartache, not worth the pain, not worth the happiness….
I will be just fine.
I love my friends.
As much as I loved him, I see that we don’t belong together nor do we go well together. As much joy as he brought me, I also now see that our relationship had so many flaws that I ignored because I was so blinded. But I will be just fine. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Surprisingly I am not regretting anything because I believe that I really gave my all to this relationship and as much as I had problems with my method of communication, my heart was all in it and I made all the right moves. I am glad that I stood up for myself. I am glad that I went through all the pain and the torture because it has all become a big learning experience for me and I will take this experience with me to learn from. I will try not to make the same mistakes I made and I will learn to build my confidence. The memories are amazing, joyful, but most of all painful because they are everywhere. The pain will only help me learn though. It’ll teach me to differentiate what I need from what I want because as much as I wanted you and thought I needed you, you were all wrong for me. But thank you for sticking through it with me. It did not end as well as I would hope for our relationship to end, and I don’t expect it to get better. All I can ask for is that you learn from this experience as well and treat the next girl right, because just like I expect to find the right guy out there for myself, I expect there to be the right girl out there for you. I want you to be happy.
Remember when you said you wanted to bring me joy and I responded “really”? well now I realize how rude that was, but at the time, what I was really looking for was trust. I never really did get that from you, but that’s okay, because now I don’t need it. We will go our separate ways and live our lives. You were not the best partner but I would not exchange you for anyone else either because everything was a learning experience with you. Thank you and take care of yourself. Live your dreams, your passions, your hobbies, like you would have if I had never interrupted your life. And don’t deny that I was not an interruption in everything. I noticed too that you put everything on hold, from your tumblr blog to making your YouTube fans wait for 13 months. 53 will no longer be my favorite number and pandaguins are no longer existent. We will each begin anew.
the waiting… it’s killin’ me…
i want them all GIMME GIMME GIMME